Asymptote’s Stories

Joseph stared into the microwave. As it hummed along, he liked to imagine that it was singing to him. A thousand times, he’d tried to place the tune it was singing, so he could sing along, but to no avail.

Beep! Beep! Beep! it chirped. He opened the door and plopped his now-warm scone onto a plate. As he hunted in the refrigerator — which, incidentally, seemed to sing a different tune — for the jam, he glanced at his watch. Not much time until he had to leave.

Slathering jam on his scone, he smiled. Nothing like a warm scone on a Friday morning. He took a bite, made a face, and then dumped the lot into the garbage, wiping a fleck of greenish mold from his lips. Nothing like a moldy scone on a Friday morning. He grabbed his keys and his briefcase and headed out, locking the door behind him.

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Since time immemorial, ships of all descriptions have been referred to by the English pronoun “her.” Until January of 2013, this was little more than an unusual custom, a probable holdover from a time when English was still part of another language, one with gendered nouns. But in the first month of 2013, after the Navy finally launched the long-awaited USS Eve, that once obsolescent custom took on a new meaning.

Eve was the second-largest aircraft carrier ever constructed, after the USS Raymond Keyes, built the year before. At 2,800 feet long, however, she was still very impressive, even in an era when all military vehicles seemed to be getting endlessly larger. Three nuclear reactors. A whole slew of guns. A conning tower that looked like a little skyscraper. A flight deck so long that some of the crew swore that you could see it curve along with the curvature of the Earth. An incredibly imposing ship, indeed. The pride of a nation.

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